Dump That Chump: Prepare for Cupid by Ridding Mr. Wrong

By Mona Loring

Dump That Chump! From Doormat to Diva in Only Nine Steps-A Guide to Getting Over Mr. Wrong (Harper Collins, 2007) by psychologist, columnist, speaker, and relationship expert, Debra Mandel, Ph.D. is a life-saving book for any woman who needs to get out of a bad relationship and never turn back. Sure, hundreds of relationship and break-up guides exist, but none make the grueling process actually inviting and possibly even enjoyable. Also, the book addresses chumps of all varieties, not only those who would be considered abusive.

In Dump That Chump! Dr. Debra covers the complete gamut of the breakup process. She begins immediately by turning around the shameful experience of being with a chump and letting women know that they are in good company and that there are good reasons why smart, attractive, desirable women stay in dead-end relationships. Importantly, she provides hope that this no longer has to be the case. Dr. Debra endears herself to readers by sharing with them that not only does she have clinical expertise in how to dump a chump, but that she has had lots of personal experience as well and, thus, she truly "gets it."

Unlike many of the other self-help books in this genre which focus on a woman’s weaknesses and treat her like a victim, Dump That Chump highlights a woman’s strength, builds on her capacity to laugh and love and offers user-friendly tools to get rid of residual hurt and anger. Dr. Debra notes, "Dump That Chump will boost your confidence and teach you how to become the captain of your own ship, empowering you to hold out for a good match and never again settle for love from someone who doesn’t behave lovingly and… you can quickly thrive in a new relationship."

Once Dr. Debra has outlined her premise and the book’s promise, she dives right in to a delightful, witty story about the love god we all know as Cupid. She describes in great detail Cupid’s mission and why we really shouldn’t put too much stock into this little mythical creature. She lets us know that Cupid often goofs and explains how to avoid falling in love with another deadbeat. The book then offers a helpful assessment tool for the reader to determine whether she’s actually with a chump who should be dumped or whether there might be some hope for the relationship. While Dr. Debra delivers her message in a no-nonsense style, she never dishes out dictums. Rather, she encourages the reader to make decisions and to take actions that are right for her. Despite her straightforward approach, devoid of any psychological jargon, her compassion and empathy continually shine through and resonate in your soul. Sometimes you really feel like the book was written especially for you.

The remainder of the book covers the nine essential steps to get rid of Mr. Wrong once and for all and to pave the way for Mr. Right, drawing from her twenty-plus years of professional experience as well as her many years of personal experience. Each step offers numerous real-life examples, thought-provoking quizzes and simple exercises. Dr. Debra teaches readers how to "transform self-downers to self-uppers," to "stop pining for and romanticizing the chump" using such tools as the "stop sign" and the "memory box," to "move from mad and sad to glad," to give yourself nurturance, accept responsibility for your own part in the demise of the relationship (no matter how big or small!), and numerous tools to create a relationship vision that is fool-proof in attracting a worthy suitor the next time Cupid comes calling.

After one quick read, without even putting the suggestions into action, any woman who’s about to embark on a break-up or has already done the dirty deed will most definitely feel as though she has a powerful cheerleading squad on her team. Dr. Debra’s sensitivity and invaluable advice will no doubt leave the reader feeling understood, hopeful, and inspired.