If you’ve ever asked someone, “Aw, when’s the baby due?” only to find out they’re not pregnant, you know that it’s a touchy subject. If you’ve learned that lesson, you’re way ahead of the game. But there are still quite a few conversational no-no’s that you should know about. Here’s what not to say to a pregnant woman so that she won’t burst into tears.
“What a surprise! Were you trying?”
Loosely translated, this means, “Is this child a life-changing accident?” No. If you’d been paying attention, this pregnancy was likely a longtime dream for the couple and the only thing they ever talked about. The mom-to-be has probably had a laminated, detailed birth plan ready for years. But regardless of whether the baby is a whoops, it’s none of your business.
“Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?”
Honestly, the mother probably does have a preference, but she doesn’t dare speak it for fear of jinxing it—or of the baby somehow overhearing. Besides, times have changed. At this point, new parents are trying to prepare themselves for a gender-fluid baby who resists being labeled.
“Good luck—I was in labor upside-down for 82 hours with a breech baby. I still wake up at night screaming.”
Wow. There’s a lot to unpack there, but you’re going to have to do it with a trained professional. Everyone wants to share delivery room horror stories, just so the mom-to-be will be “prepared.” But unless you’re going to compare your experience to a relaxing spa treatment, keep it to yourself.
“You look like you’re ready to burst!”
Of course you mean well. But belly swelling of any size seems to inspire this unfortunate observation. This is an excellent example of what not to say to a pregnant woman for a couple of reasons. There’s every possibility that the woman is still in her first trimester and that you’ve just made her feel like a whale. And “burst” is an upsetting word choice for someone who has an alien being growing inside them.
“Can I touch it?”
From where you’re standing, maybe it seems natural to reach out and touch a pregnant belly. First of all, congratulations. You get bonus points for asking first. But no, mothers-to-be are not in line at the grocery store just waiting for creepy caresses from random acquaintances. It feels weird. The equivalent might be a stranger repeatedly booping you on the nose. So don’t ask if you can touch it. Actually, just to be safe—don’t say this to anyone, ever, for any reason.
