When most people think of a therapist working with a couple, they assume the therapist is working to help keep the couple together or happy in their relationship. The truth is that many people see couples and family therapists for very different reasons.
If you and your ex-partner are in the middle of a custody battle, one way to begin working things out is to hire a couples therapist to help you out. As strange as it may sound, hiring a therapist as you battle your ex-spouse could be the best way to reach agreement, acceptance, and peace of mind for all involved. For a few reasons that you should hire a therapist as you enter a custody battle, read on.
Working with an Individual Therapist
If you’re in the middle of a custody battle and angry, it’s a good idea to start by calling a therapist who can work with you alone through in-person or virtual therapy. A licensed therapist can help you work through feelings of anger and grief and put you in a better position to co-parent.
As hard as it may be to imagine now, your custody battle will eventually end. You’ll want to know that your disagreement with your ex-partner has not hurt your child or your own mental health. Ultimately, it’s important to think about your child’s best interests and part of that means minimizing conflict with your ex-partner and forever co-parent.
A therapist can give you tools that will make the anxiety and sadness that come with separation, conflict, and the dissolution of marriage easier. With those emotions better controlled, it’ll be easier to handle phone calls, visitations, court dates, and more without stress or unnecessary conflict.
When you see a counselor on your own, you’ll have a safe space to talk about your views on the best interest of the child, how you feel about your current order, and can even talk about legal options. One of the best things about counseling is that it’s confidential. What you say to your in-person or online therapist will remain in confidence and won’t hurt your child or co-parent.
Bringing on a Couples Counselor
Once you’ve worked through your own feelings with an individual therapist, it’s a good idea to consider a family or couples therapist who can help you and your ex-partner learn to work together when it comes to the sharing of children.
While you’ll need an experienced family law attorney to handle legal actions such as amending custody agreements, professional counselors and family therapists can work with you and your co-parent to talk out things like new visitation schedules, new partners, logistics, disagreements, and the best interest of the child before changes to a custody order even happen. That is, you and your ex-partner will stand a better chance of avoiding conflict if you work together with a therapist.
The Big Picture and Children
As much as you might need emotional support as you navigate your custody battle, the original order, relationship issues, proposed changes, and visitation schedules, it’s important to keep in mind that your child isn’t immune to what’s going on around them. For this reason, it could be a good idea to get your child their own therapist to work through issues, depending on the child’s age.
You could also consider working with your co-parent to meet regularly with a family therapist as a group. Even family teletherapy sessions with a psychotherapist could give your child the opportunity to make their voice heard about how they’re feeling and what they believe is in their best interest.
If you aren’t sure where to look for the right therapist, be rest assured that it’s as easy as a simple Google search for something like “work clothes for women.” Simply type in your general location and keywords like “family therapist” and ‘family counselor.’ You might be surprised to see how many are in your area.
Start by looking at their bios and look for therapists who specialize in families, grief, transition, or children. When calling their offices, don’t hesitate to ask questions. Find out if they work as part of a group and whether you’d be able to get individual therapy for yourself or your child through a colleague. Be clear about your specific needs, too.
At the end of the day, the most important thing is your child’s happiness. No matter how you and your ex-partner feel about each other, children do better when their parents appear to be getting along. Whether you hire a therapist to help with custody arrangements, co-parenting, communication, or for assistance with anger or grief management, you’ll be doing your entire family a favor and making your custody battle a little easier. Best of luck to you and your family as you navigate these challenging times. Try to consider the big picture: You and your children’s futures and peace of mind.
