Love columnist and author Lucia.

“Cougar Expert Coach” Lucia has been on Dr. Phil, The Tyra Banks Show, E! Entertainment, The KTLA Morning Show, and Playboy Radio, She is the advice columnist for Urbancougar.com and teaches a class at the Learning Annex titled, “How To Date Younger Men or Older Women”.

Says Lucia: “It’s time for the ladies to enjoy guys who show them the respect they deserve; guys who are young, vital, energetic, enthusiastic and appreciative. For the men, it’s a chance to live out the fantasy of an older woman who is confident, experienced, knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to ask for it”.

WHERE:    Club Sushi – 6374 W Sunset Blvd, Hollywood, Ca 
WHEN:    Feb. 11, 2009   
PRICE:    $39
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I met this guy who claims to love me but at the same time is not over his ex, who happens to be the mother of his child. We have fun when we meet, which happens to always be at my invitation.

The problem I’m facing is I’m sure I’m falling for him and I want him in my life but he is not ready yet or so he claims.  Can you advise me on what to do?  Phiona

Dear Phiona,

I would advise you to believe him. Even if he is ready, but claims not to be, what he really means is that he’s not interested in having anything meaningful with you. Hard to hear, I know.

If he is not over his ex, she will be an invisible 3rd party in the relationship. Does that sound like something you want to be a part of?

Stop inviting him out and give him time to get over his ex. When he’s ready, if he’s still interested, he will come looking for you.  However, if you try to push the issue before then, I can almost guarantee it will not work out.

Dear Lucia,
There is this guy I have had a thing for, for over a year. We used to hang out with the same group of friends, and while we never knew each other that well, we had a lot of chemistry. After months without seeing him around (or getting laid by anyone) I got his number from a friend and asked him to come over and, well, get it on!

After the second time we had sex (which was AMAZING!) I asked him out to get drinks and play some pool. He said yes, but the date was slightly awkward, which I suppose I can attribute to nerves on both our parts.

Because I wasn’t sure if we would go out again, I decided a few days later to just invite him over for a third round of mind-blowing sex. He is a pleaser in the sack, that is for sure, but what really got me was that he made out with me passionately after we had both "finished".

As he got up to leave, I told him he could stay a while longer, but he decided against it since I had mentioned earlier that I had to get up early the next day. When he was leaving it was as if he couldn’t stop kissing me and holding me in his arms in a very romantic way.

Considering that this man has yet to make any motions in my direction (e.g. asking me out), and does not seem too desperate to spend the night, would it be ridiculous for me to take his passionate kissing as a sign of his secret adoration?  Awaiting your wisdom.  Lost in Lust

Dear Lost,

It’s possible he secretly adores you, or maybe, he simply likes to kiss.  We don’t have enough “evidence” here.  It sounds to me as if you want to turn your booty call into a boyfriend.  If so, then you need to find out what his situation is. Is he seeing someone or did he just get out of something?  Ask these questions as if you are just having a casual conversation. 

If he’s totally available, then you need to let him get to know as a person, not just as a booty call.  You can do that by doing a little more talking and a little less sex.  Only then do you have a chance of turning this around.

Hi Lucia,
I’m a 24 year old male married to a Chinese lady 15 years my senior and it’s great!  Because my wife looks so young we haven’t had much trouble in fooling people into thinking she’s younger than what she really is. 

Your videos on “Cougar” relationships on VideoJug.com helped me to rationalize logically what I only knew emotionally so that I would be able to face the world. My wife’s overseas at the moment but I’ll be sure to tell her about you when she gets back!! Agung

Hi Lucia,

There is this really nice guy who was courting me and I was really shocked to find out that I could be treated so nice. I guess I put him off by my insecurities and fear plus he needed time to sort out his feelings for his ex of 2yrs.
Last week he decided he wanted to move on as a single guy. I was really happy but now he’s not frequent with communication like he was before and I just realized I like him a lot.
Should I swallow my pride and initiate things, even though I believe he should be the one doing it or do I just forget him?  Emma

Hi Emma,

It sounds to me like he is still getting over his ex, even though he has said he has decided to move on. 

Even if he’s not calling as much, he’s still calling.  Make your calls and encounters as pleasant as possible.  Compliment him and tell him you appreciate him. Don’t complain about the slowdown in communication.

People are drawn to what makes them feel good. If he feels good when he’s with you, he will eventually want to see more of you.

My boy friend and I have been together about 2-3 months now, almost every day. He has 3 kids with 3 different women; one is an ex-wife.  I met his youngest child’s mother (an ex-girlfriend after the divorce), 2 of his children and all of his family on his birthday earlier this month.  We hang out with his brother and his girlfriend a lot.   I have met all of his friends and they told him they like me.  Even his 5 year old son likes me. He talks about us being together for a long time – marriage and things. I have no kids, and have been divorced 5yrs ago. Now he wants this to end.  I want to talk this out.  What should I do?  Denise

Dear Denise,

Most women who hear "3 kids with 3 different women" would start looking for the nearest exit.  Instead, you thought this was a good idea.  Why?  Even though you don’t see it now, you are lucky that he wants to end this.  He is actually sparing you a lot of pain and heartache, not to mention possibly being baby mama number 4.  He is immature and unstable.  If you are attracted to him, it’s because you too are immature and unstable.  Someone who has their act together does not want this type of person in their life.  There’s nothing to talk about.  Walk away now or prepare for pain.

Dear Lucia,

I’ve been in a deep love with this girl who has a boyfriend.  He is an ex friend of mine, so it is kind of awkward.  She’s my first love and I am obsessed over her, but I do not show it and just act cold around her most of the time.  Lately I have been slowly opening up to her.  She has taught my heart a sense I never knew I had. 

Lately she has been extremely flirty and she had the intention of starting an affair.  I have no clue why she would do that when she is already in a relationship.  It breaks my heart to see her with her boyfriend and I feel so used and lead on.  It’s so hard to move on or even have the thought of looking for a new girl, when I can’t stop thinking about her for at least a minute.  I need guidance on what to do.  Angelo

Dear Angelo,

Earth to Angelo, earth to Angelo.  Come down from the clouds.  You are in dreamland and can’t see the truth.  You’re not seeing the real girl clearly, but only a fictitious version of her that you’ve created in your mind.  Why would you want to be with someone who would sneak around behind their boyfriend’s back?  Does that sound like the ideal girl to you?  If she did it before, do you really think she’d be any different with you?

If you are willing to open your eyes and see the situation clearly, it’s actually not hard to move on at all.  You don’t need to start looking for a new girl, just get the old girl out of your system first.  The rest will take care of itself.

Dear Lucia,

There is this man I really like.  He says he adores me but, he is a chronic flirt.  He will be with me cuddling, chatting etc. and not 5 minutes later he’ll be looking for another girl.  We aren’t in a relationship or anything but am I as worthless as he makes me feel?   Is he just driven by physical attraction, because that’s all he ever seems to try on me?   Roberta

Dear Roberta,

Actions speak louder at words.  Don’t listen to what someone says, but to what they do.  If he really did adore you, he wouldn’t be interested in looking for another girl, whether you were in a relationship or not.   It sounds like he’s just interested in a physical relationship and will say whatever it takes. 

No one can make you feel worthless without your permission.  How someone treats you is a reflection of who they are, not who you are.  You could be the greatest woman on earth, but when you’re dealing with a player, he doesn’t care.  If you wish to stay and play, go ahead.  Otherwise, find someone who adores you with more than words.

Dear Lucia,

I have worked with a man for the past 4 years.  I’ve liked him for the past year.  He has known I liked him for the past 5 months.  During that time, we have gone out several times, usually in groups but more recently just the two of us.

Recently I left my job but he still works there.  We talk about once a week and go out about once a month.  I usually ask him out and he usually says yes.  We always meet somewhere; he pays and is very gentlemanly toward me.  He cares for his elderly mother and has done so since his father passed away 30 years ago. 

Why doesn’t he initiate the calls?  Do you think there is a chance this can go anywhere?  Should I continue to pursue him?  From what I hear from his friends, he has never really had a girl friend or has never been married.  He is NOT gay.   Kate

Hi Kate,

You didn’t say how old he is, but since his father passed away 30 years ago, I’m going to assume he’s at least 30.  I understand him wanting to take care of his mother, but forsaking any romantic relationships along the way tells me he’s probably a mama’s boy.  If this is the case, she will always come first.  Is that the type of relationship you want to be in?

Should you stop pursuing?  You should never have been pursuing in the first place.  If he’s interested, he’ll pick up the ball when you drop it and call you.  If he doesn’t, then you haven’t lost anything.
 
 

I’m interested in a guy who I take a salsa class with.  He’s a really confident and talented dancer. He has female salsa groupies that hang around him. I’m pretty sure he’s attracted to me by the way he makes eye contact and I feel sparks fly when we’re dancing together. I’ve seen him outside of class and he always comes up to talk to me. I gave him my # a month ago yet he hasn’t called. Does this mean he’s not into me?  Alle
 
Dear Alle,

You’re so focused on everything that he is, that you don’t see what he isn’t. What he isn’t, is available.  If a guy is interested and available, he doesn’t let a month go by without calling.  Most guys call within 2 days. 

It’s possible that he’s interested but he’s seeing someone.  There’s also the possibility that he’s gay.  I would not have suggested you give him your number without his asking for it.  People sometimes take the number just to be polite.  If you wait until someone asks for your number, then you don’t have to sit around worrying whether they’re “into you” or not.  Let men be men and ask for your number if they’re interested. 

I suggest you continue to act friendly and mention nothing about his not calling.  If he becomes available and he likes you, he’ll call.  If not, say:  Next!

Dear Lucia,

I am perplexed by a male neighbor. When I first met him I assumed he was gay.  Forgive me for stereotyping but he is an interior design major, he loves fashion, he reads Cosmo, and he has an effeminate voice.  Despite this, he claims to be straight.  Since I found myself attracted to him I basically seduced him one night and since then we have had this strange friends with 2nd base benefits situation. What perplexes me is that he doesn’t want to have sex with me (though I tell him there will be "no strings") and when I try to go down on him he loses his hard on.  I am an attractive woman so I have to assume he’s gay, right?  A.M.

Dear A.M.,

It sounds like he may be bi or is gay but hasn’t fully accepted it.  There’s a slim chance he’s straight and has a girlfriend.  He may be thinking that if he doesn’t “go all the way” it’s not really cheating, that’s why he stops at 2nd base.  If the situation suits you as it is, then carry on.  If not, find someone else.

Dear Lucia,

I had a girlfriend who was not as into the relationship as I was.  She broke up with me and that same day, I slept with my ex.  Afterwards, I realized it was the wrong thing to do and I still wanted the person who broke up with me.  I told her I slept with my ex and she got mad and doesn’t want to see me anymore.  Should I have told her?  Does she have a right to be mad since she broke up with me?   Isaac

Dear Isaac,

My, my, my.  What mind games we have here. Should you have told your girlfriend you slept with your ex?  No!  However, you wanted to get back at her for breaking up with you, so you made the passive-aggressive move of telling her.  You darn well knew she wouldn’t be happy about it.

Does she have a right to be mad?  Everyone has a right to feel what they feel.  The reason she’s angry is because you slept with someone else so soon.  While women usually wait to have sex with someone else when they are dumped, men usually try to get over it by sleeping with someone else or drinking. 

However, the moment she broke up with you, you were free to sleep with whoever you wanted to.  If she already ended the relationship, what does it matter that she doesn’t want to see you anymore?  She wasn’t going to see you anymore anyway or was she?

Tell her that you were a free agent when she broke up with you, and if she wants to be mad, that’s her business.  However, next time, keep your mouth shut. 

Dear Lucia,

I met someone online a few months ago and recently we saw each other for the first time in Vegas.  Now that we’re back in our separate states again, I get the feeling she’s drifting away.  She worked a lot before we met up, and jumped back into her regular routine once she returned home.  She hasn’t used any of the terms of endearment (like baby) that she had before.  She used to text me all the time "I love you".  She has told me "I miss you" since we’ve been back; am I overreacting?  John

Dear John,

You did two things I do not recommend – tried to have a long distance relationship and corresponded for a long period of time with someone you met online.

Relationships can be difficult enough when the two people live in the same city.  Adding distance to that makes it even worse.  I just don’t understand trying to date someone that lives in a different city, never mind a different state.  Unless you were already dating and one of you moved away, I don’t recommend long distance romances.
As for your second mistake, no matter how great you may get along with someone via email and phone, until you actually meet the person, you don’t know if you will “click” – whether or not there will be chemistry.

Your friend probably didn’t feel any chemistry when you met, and she’s trying to let you down easy.  Since you have nothing to lose, why not come right out and ask her?  If nothing else, maybe you can just continue as long distance friends.

I have been seeing this wonderful woman for about 9 months.  For the last 6-7 weeks we have been talking on the phone several times a day and spending a lot of time together.  I send her flowers once a week, and other days I’ll put a flower or poem I’ve written on her car in the morning.

She recently expressed that she wanted to take a step back and slow things down a bit. I love her and have told her. She says she loves me also. Is she scared? Are things moving too fast? Am I about to lose this girl?  If so, what can I do to stop from losing her?  Rob

Dear Rob,

The answer to three of your four questions:  Yes! Yes! Yes!  Slow down Romeo. The fact that you’ve been together for 9 months and things started to change once the constant stream of flowers and poems began, means you’re overwhelming her.  It’s possible to feel two conflicting emotions at the same time.  While we all yearn to be in a loving relationship, we also have the desire to be free.  This is a human paradox you must always keep in mind.  What to do?  Back off.  Stop the flowers, poems, multiple daily phone calls.  Eventually, you can start to do those things again, but only in small doses. 

Dear Lucia,

I really love my boyfriend, but I absolutely despise his friends. I just don’t like them. What should I do?  Terri 

Dear Terri,

I find that hard to believe.  You’ve heard the saying, “Show me who your friends are and I’ll show you who you are?”  He must have something in common with them, something he sees in them that he identifies in himself, otherwise they wouldn’t be his friends.  You’re either choosing to not see in your boyfriend the negatives you see in his friends, or you’re choosing not to see the positives in his friends that you see in him.  Does that make sense?  So, your options are:  open your eyes, keep interactions with his friends to a minimum or break up with him.

Dear Lucia,

When you first meet a guy, do you find his initial shyness/nervousness endearing or a turn off?  Peter P.

Dear Peter,

Initial shyness/nervousness is not a turn off.  It tells me he’s being real and he’s probably not a player.  If someone is too smooth and confident – that’s a turn off!  However, eventually the shyness/nervousness needs to go, otherwise it becomes annoying.

Dear Lucia,

I went out with a guy on a first date. He was incredible. He is not very good looking, but his personality shined through. The next day I got the bright idea of sending flowers as a way to say thank you for a wonderful date. Needless to say, we are not longer dating. Is sending flowers to a man still a big no-no?  Lilly

Dear Lilly,

You’re right.  It was a bright idea.  Not! What were you thinking?  Of course sending a guy flowers is still a no-no – unless he’s your long term boyfriend or husband.  Why would you think things had changed?   A simple, “Thank you.  I had a nice time.” would have sufficed.  Sending flowers so soon makes the guy feel pressured and takes the mystery and therefore the fun out of dating.  Stop trying so hard.  I hope you learned your lesson.

Dear Lucia,

I want a boyfriend. Is that bad? I don’t need one but I want one. I want a guy who treats me well and respects me; someone who I have a lot in common with. I tend to date jerks. Any ideas on where I can find a guy like that?  Melissa 

Dear Melissa,

Join the club.  All women ultimately want someone who treats them with respect and with whom they have a lot in common.  Yet, for the most part, we all go through a phase where we date jerks, bad boys and players.   This seems inevitable.  It’s like a fire we have to walk through in order to get to the other side.  What is the other side?  Appreciating someone who is there for us, is actually nice to us, calls when he says he will and shows up for a date.  Why are you dating jerks?  The bottom line is, because you want to.  It’s like asking, why do I keep eating chocolate cake when I want to lose weight?  When you finally get to the point where you have enough self respect and self love, you will stop dating jerks.  Hopefully you’ll get to that point sooner rather than later.

Dear Lucia,

Every time I get around a guy I like, my stomach goes weird and I get really nervous.  Is there something wrong with me? What am I supposed to do?  Cindy

Dear Cindy,

That feeling is chemistry, also known as “butterflies”.  It’s nature’s way of telling you that you’re attracted to that person.  I know it can be nerve-wracking.  Take a few deep breaths.  That should help calm you down.  Otherwise, enjoy!

With 20+ years experience on the in the dating world, Lucia has dated men of all nationalities in six cities, four countries and two continents. Her practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice ? after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it.

If you have any questions for Lucia, write her at lucia@lastheplace.com

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Q:? I?ve been dating a married but separated man for over 6 months. When we first met he was separated from his wife of 8 years for 2 months. We really connected and enjoy dating each other. I?m taking it slow due to the circumstances. He has made no effort to file for divorce or even move his wife?s things out. She does not know of me and she wants to work things out with him-he does not. I know he cares a lot for me but I don?t want to be a rebound. Should I end it??

A: Ughhh! What is it with you women who date married men? Aren?t there enough single men to go around? How would you feel if you were separated and wanted to reunite with your husband but he was doing (oops, I mean dating) someone else? People that are married should be left alone to either work things out or go their separate ways without third parties (that would be you) interfering.

Let?s look at the facts: He hasn?t filed for divorce, he hasn?t moved out his wife?s belongings, and he hasn?t told his wife about you. It sounds to me like he just wanted to take a break from being married for a while. He wanted to pretend he was single again, knowing that he could go back to his wife when he was ready. Should you end it? Hell yeah!

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Q:? How long is the “rebound” period?? I mean, how long does it usually take before a person can see someone else again seriously?

A:? I once read that for every year one is in a relationship, it takes two months to get over it. However, it once took me four months to get over someone I?d only gone out with for two months, so I don?t think there?s a formula. It depends on how deep your feelings for the person were; at what point the break up occurred and who initiated the breakup. Often people leave a relationship mentally and emotionally before they leave physically. This is why sometimes people can jump into another situation right away and it works out. I?d say: Let your feelings be your guide. Don?t rush it. Your heart will tell you when it?s ready to open up again.

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Q:? How do you get over a break up when you’re in love with someone who is not in love with you? I don’t sleep around and drink, so other options, please.

A:? I?m glad you don?t want to sleep around or drink. Most people associate the period after a breakup with destructive behavior. The fact that you?re heartbroken is already hurtful enough. Why make things worse by abusing yourself?

I?ve always found that one of the best ways to get over someone is to focus on work and career. Take advantage of this alone time to concentrate on your professional goals. As things start happening for you, you?ll start to feel better and before you know it, your ex will not be the foremost thing on your mind.

Also, take this time to spend time with family and close friends. Get out, do things and try to have fun. Life must go on, and you?ll survive.

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Q:? What are some things that would make a guy not approach a girl when she has always shown interest, is friendly and open to conversation with him? Does the saying still stand that if a guy really likes someone, he would do whatever to get the girl, even though he may be shy?

A:? Yes, if a guy is interested, he will do what he has to, to get the girl. The issue is that so many guys today have the attitude that they?re going to let the women chase them. This makes for lazy men and confused women (like you). However, you can bet your bottom dollar (whatever that means) that if a guy is interested in a girl and she has shown interest but isn?t making a move to ask him out, that he will eventually step up to the plate. There could be several reasons for your male friend acting this way 1.) He?s already involved 2.) He?s waiting to see if you?ll make a move. 3.) He?s not interested. 4.) He’s gay. I say: Wait. If he?s interested and available, he?ll eventually ask you out.

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Q:? I am 24 years old and I have gone through three rough relationships – the last one being the worst. I dated a single mother who cheated on me with her baby’s dad. After this happened, it was over. It has been two years and I have not gone out with any women since. I basically gave up. I often think that I need a therapy. I see someone but I just think negatively and don?t ask for number or a date. What can I do to get my confidence back?

A:? You?re too young to be so down on love. You had 3 relationships by the time you were 22. I say that?s 3 too many. Your late teens and early twenties should be about having fun and keeping it light. You want to find out who you are and what you like.

Scientists at the NIH campus at Bethesda, Md. recently found out that the part of the brain that weighs risks, makes judgments and controls impulsive behavior isn?t fully mature until age 25. This means you shouldn?t even be thinking about a serious relationship until your next birthday.

Since your last break up was so devastating that you haven?t dated in 2 years, I would say some therapy would help. You will eventually get your confidence back. Use the experience from your previous relationships to make better choices in the future.
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Q.? I am in love with a girl I?ve been dating for a month.? How do I make her fall in love with me?? I am 24 yrs old and I think she’s a bit older than me.? I invited her for lunch but she didn’t show.? I also invited her last Sunday and again she didn’t show up.? I tried her cell phone but she was not picking up.? I was a bit down because we arranged to meet and she didn’t show up.? How do I make her understand I’m in love with her?? Please help me.

A:? It?s very hard to convince someone of something that isn?t true.? The truth is that you are not in love with her.? I know it, she knows it and maybe somewhere inside you, you know it.? You make be infatuated and obsessed, but you certainly can?t love someone after only one month.? Love develops as a result of getting to know someone.? You don?t even know how old she is!

Although it?s not right for her to stand you up, the reason she?s doing it is because you?re creeping her out.? She?s doesn?t want to turn you down, so she pretends she?s going to see you and then doesn?t show up.? Even if you haven?t said, ?I love you? to her, your actions and attitude are showing her that you are way too into her after only one month.? You?re coming across as desperate and unrealistic and that is never attractive.? We all want to be with someone strong.? Someone that is willing to put up with being continually stood up is not strong.? Are you sure you?re even dating?

If there is to be any hope for you, you need to back off immediately.? Don?t call her for a week.? When you do call, don?t ask her out.? Have a short, pleasant conversation and get off the phone.? You can ask her out the next time you talk.? If she doesn?t show up again, she?s not interested or she?s lost interest in you as a result of your actions.? At that point, all you can do is learn from your mistakes and move on.

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Q: There is a guy I?m seeing.? The first time we met we slept together, then three different times after that.? Lately he?s been telling me he likes me. I called him once earlier in the week and he never answered or called back.? I called him again on Friday night and he didn?t answer but then called me back at 3am to come over.? I did not sleep with him. He came over on Saturday night earlier in the evening, slept over and again no sex. Does he like me or just want sex?

A: This is another perfect example of why women should wait to have sex with a new guy.? Had you waited until some type of relationship was established, you wouldn?t have to now waste your time wondering whether he likes you for you or just likes the sex.

The fact that he called you at 3am would mean he was just interested in sex, but since nothing happened, maybe he does just like you for you.? The only way to know is to stop having sex with him, if you?re interested in more than just a physical relationship.? If he still wants to see you, then you?ll know he likes you.? If he doesn?t want to see you, then he likes the sex.

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Q:? If my “friend with benefits” is so in love with her new boyfriend, why is she still calling me even after I told her I wish her the best and I would attend her wedding but this is it?? She recently supposedly broke it off with a married man. Then she found out that the guy is getting a divorce because his wife cheated on him. Now she’s in love with this guy and is talking marriage.? She seems like a class-A whack job but I want your expertise on why she still feels the need to call me?? What does she think I?m gonna do-marry her??? What’s your take on this? Curious chemical engineer….

A:? The question is not why is she still calling you, but why would you care enough that you would take the time to write to me?? Although the logical part of you knows she is unstable and not a good long term partner, the emotional part of you has feelings for her.? You?re flattered that even though she?s ?supposedly? in love with someone else, she?s still in contact with you.? Does the reason why even matter?? Maybe she likes the sex and wants to make sure you?ll be available to her if she wants to get together in the future.? Maybe she subconsciously knows it?s not going to work out with Mr. Married Man, so she?s keeping you on the ?waiting list?.

The important thing here is not why she?s still in contact but why you?re still interested in her when she?s clearly shown you she doesn?t have her act together.? Remember what the law of attraction (as discussed in the best selling book, ?The Secret?) says: like energy attracts like energy.? This means you don?t have your act together, because if you did, you would not be attracted to her.? You would simply shake your head and be glad she?s not your girlfriend.

I suggest you ask yourself where in your life you?re not together and work on that, otherwise, you will still continue to find this type of person attractive.

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Q:? My boyfriend won’t kiss me, and only wants sex about twice a month.? How can I get him to want me more?

A:? You can?t get someone to do something they don?t want to do.? They?re either inspired to do it or they?re not.? Has it always been like this or has the situation changed recently?? If this is how it?s always been, things aren?t likely to change.? You need to decide if this is the type of relationship you want.? If you don?t have a high sex drive, then twice a month shouldn?t be a problem.

If however you need more sex, that?s a different story.? If it?s been this way from the start, then your boyfriend probably doesn?t have a high sex drive.? If this is a recent development, then you need to ask him what?s going on.? If he says he?s too tired or busy, remind him that he wasn?t too tired or busy when you first started dating.? The fact that he won?t kiss you bothers me.? It almost sounds as if he?s treating you like a booty call.? You need to have a talk and you may eventually need to walk.

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Q:? How much time after beginning to date someone should a girl wait to have ‘the talk’? I’ve been dating someone for a month now but don’t know where we stand…whether we’re just having fun or if it’s monogamous. I want to ask but I’m not sure if it’s too soon right now.???

A:? When you first start to date someone, you need to keep two things in mind: Assume that person is seeing other people and don?t assume they want a committed relationship with you.? One month is definitely too soon to be having any kind of ?we? talk.? You barely know this person. How do you know you even want to be in a monogamous relationship with them?? Your attitude when you first start to see someone should be, ?Show me who you are, and I?ll decide where you fit into my life?.? Don?t automatically assume they would be good boyfriend/girlfriend material.?

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