Hi Lucia,
My boy friend and I have been together about 2-3 months now, almost every day. He has 3 kids with 3 different women; one is an ex-wife. I met his youngest child’s mother (an ex-girlfriend after the divorce), 2 of his children and all of his family on his birthday earlier this month. We hang out with his brother and his girlfriend a lot. I have met all of his friends and they told him they like me. Even his 5 year old son likes me. He talks about us being together for a long time – marriage and things. I have no kids, and have been divorced 5yrs ago. Now he wants this to end. I want to talk this out. What should I do? Denise
Dear Denise,
Most women who hear "3 kids with 3 different women" would start looking for the nearest exit. Instead, you thought this was a good idea. Why? Even though you don’t see it now, you are lucky that he wants to end this. He is actually sparing you a lot of pain and heartache, not to mention possibly being baby mama number 4. He is immature and unstable. If you are attracted to him, it’s because you too are immature and unstable. Someone who has their act together does not want this type of person in their life. There’s nothing to talk about. Walk away now or prepare for pain.
Dear Lucia,
I’ve been in a deep love with this girl who has a boyfriend. He is an ex friend of mine, so it is kind of awkward. She’s my first love and I am obsessed over her, but I do not show it and just act cold around her most of the time. Lately I have been slowly opening up to her. She has taught my heart a sense I never knew I had.
Lately she has been extremely flirty and she had the intention of starting an affair. I have no clue why she would do that when she is already in a relationship. It breaks my heart to see her with her boyfriend and I feel so used and lead on. It’s so hard to move on or even have the thought of looking for a new girl, when I can’t stop thinking about her for at least a minute. I need guidance on what to do. Angelo
Dear Angelo,
Earth to Angelo, earth to Angelo. Come down from the clouds. You are in dreamland and can’t see the truth. You’re not seeing the real girl clearly, but only a fictitious version of her that you’ve created in your mind. Why would you want to be with someone who would sneak around behind their boyfriend’s back? Does that sound like the ideal girl to you? If she did it before, do you really think she’d be any different with you?
If you are willing to open your eyes and see the situation clearly, it’s actually not hard to move on at all. You don’t need to start looking for a new girl, just get the old girl out of your system first. The rest will take care of itself.
Dear Lucia,
There is this man I really like. He says he adores me but, he is a chronic flirt. He will be with me cuddling, chatting etc. and not 5 minutes later he’ll be looking for another girl. We aren’t in a relationship or anything but am I as worthless as he makes me feel? Is he just driven by physical attraction, because that’s all he ever seems to try on me? Roberta
Dear Roberta,
Actions speak louder at words. Don’t listen to what someone says, but to what they do. If he really did adore you, he wouldn’t be interested in looking for another girl, whether you were in a relationship or not. It sounds like he’s just interested in a physical relationship and will say whatever it takes.
No one can make you feel worthless without your permission. How someone treats you is a reflection of who they are, not who you are. You could be the greatest woman on earth, but when you’re dealing with a player, he doesn’t care. If you wish to stay and play, go ahead. Otherwise, find someone who adores you with more than words.
Dear Lucia,
I have worked with a man for the past 4 years. I’ve liked him for the past year. He has known I liked him for the past 5 months. During that time, we have gone out several times, usually in groups but more recently just the two of us.
Recently I left my job but he still works there. We talk about once a week and go out about once a month. I usually ask him out and he usually says yes. We always meet somewhere; he pays and is very gentlemanly toward me. He cares for his elderly mother and has done so since his father passed away 30 years ago.
Why doesn’t he initiate the calls? Do you think there is a chance this can go anywhere? Should I continue to pursue him? From what I hear from his friends, he has never really had a girl friend or has never been married. He is NOT gay. Kate
Hi Kate,
You didn’t say how old he is, but since his father passed away 30 years ago, I’m going to assume he’s at least 30. I understand him wanting to take care of his mother, but forsaking any romantic relationships along the way tells me he’s probably a mama’s boy. If this is the case, she will always come first. Is that the type of relationship you want to be in?
Should you stop pursuing? You should never have been pursuing in the first place. If he’s interested, he’ll pick up the ball when you drop it and call you. If he doesn’t, then you haven’t lost anything.
