Dear Lucia,

I’m interested in a guy who I take a salsa class with.  He’s a really confident and talented dancer. He has female salsa groupies that hang around him. I’m pretty sure he’s attracted to me by the way he makes eye contact and I feel sparks fly when we’re dancing together. I’ve seen him outside of class and he always comes up to talk to me. I gave him my # a month ago yet he hasn’t called. Does this mean he’s not into me?  Alle
 
Dear Alle,

You’re so focused on everything that he is, that you don’t see what he isn’t. What he isn’t, is available.  If a guy is interested and available, he doesn’t let a month go by without calling.  Most guys call within 2 days. 

It’s possible that he’s interested but he’s seeing someone.  There’s also the possibility that he’s gay.  I would not have suggested you give him your number without his asking for it.  People sometimes take the number just to be polite.  If you wait until someone asks for your number, then you don’t have to sit around worrying whether they’re “into you” or not.  Let men be men and ask for your number if they’re interested. 

I suggest you continue to act friendly and mention nothing about his not calling.  If he becomes available and he likes you, he’ll call.  If not, say:  Next!

Dear Lucia,

I am perplexed by a male neighbor. When I first met him I assumed he was gay.  Forgive me for stereotyping but he is an interior design major, he loves fashion, he reads Cosmo, and he has an effeminate voice.  Despite this, he claims to be straight.  Since I found myself attracted to him I basically seduced him one night and since then we have had this strange friends with 2nd base benefits situation. What perplexes me is that he doesn’t want to have sex with me (though I tell him there will be "no strings") and when I try to go down on him he loses his hard on.  I am an attractive woman so I have to assume he’s gay, right?  A.M.

Dear A.M.,

It sounds like he may be bi or is gay but hasn’t fully accepted it.  There’s a slim chance he’s straight and has a girlfriend.  He may be thinking that if he doesn’t “go all the way” it’s not really cheating, that’s why he stops at 2nd base.  If the situation suits you as it is, then carry on.  If not, find someone else.

Dear Lucia,

I had a girlfriend who was not as into the relationship as I was.  She broke up with me and that same day, I slept with my ex.  Afterwards, I realized it was the wrong thing to do and I still wanted the person who broke up with me.  I told her I slept with my ex and she got mad and doesn’t want to see me anymore.  Should I have told her?  Does she have a right to be mad since she broke up with me?   Isaac

Dear Isaac,

My, my, my.  What mind games we have here. Should you have told your girlfriend you slept with your ex?  No!  However, you wanted to get back at her for breaking up with you, so you made the passive-aggressive move of telling her.  You darn well knew she wouldn’t be happy about it.

Does she have a right to be mad?  Everyone has a right to feel what they feel.  The reason she’s angry is because you slept with someone else so soon.  While women usually wait to have sex with someone else when they are dumped, men usually try to get over it by sleeping with someone else or drinking. 

However, the moment she broke up with you, you were free to sleep with whoever you wanted to.  If she already ended the relationship, what does it matter that she doesn’t want to see you anymore?  She wasn’t going to see you anymore anyway or was she?

Tell her that you were a free agent when she broke up with you, and if she wants to be mad, that’s her business.  However, next time, keep your mouth shut. 

Dear Lucia,

I met someone online a few months ago and recently we saw each other for the first time in Vegas.  Now that we’re back in our separate states again, I get the feeling she’s drifting away.  She worked a lot before we met up, and jumped back into her regular routine once she returned home.  She hasn’t used any of the terms of endearment (like baby) that she had before.  She used to text me all the time "I love you".  She has told me "I miss you" since we’ve been back; am I overreacting?  John

Dear John,

You did two things I do not recommend – tried to have a long distance relationship and corresponded for a long period of time with someone you met online.

Relationships can be difficult enough when the two people live in the same city.  Adding distance to that makes it even worse.  I just don’t understand trying to date someone that lives in a different city, never mind a different state.  Unless you were already dating and one of you moved away, I don’t recommend long distance romances.
As for your second mistake, no matter how great you may get along with someone via email and phone, until you actually meet the person, you don’t know if you will “click” – whether or not there will be chemistry.

Your friend probably didn’t feel any chemistry when you met, and she’s trying to let you down easy.  Since you have nothing to lose, why not come right out and ask her?  If nothing else, maybe you can just continue as long distance friends.